The Titty Sea and Other Fun Photos

Monday was a holiday. Don’t ask me what it was about- it was some Catholic nonsense. Therefore, since fuck-all could be accomplished in Freiburg, Catherine, her boyfriend Jon, and I took a trip down to Titisee (pronounced TEE-tee-zay).

I’ve been to Titisee a few times before, but each time it was bitterly cold and mostly no fun. This time I didn’t actually want to go, but I figured I should use the opportunity to take some pictures for you vult- er, lovely folks. In true karmic fashion, once having let go of the intention to have a good time, I actually had a good time. Best Titisee visit so far.

List of Good Stuff

1. The weather was GORGEOUS. It was nice to be exposed to the sun for a little bit.
2. Awesome Chinese food. No, seriously, I had good Chinese food there. Don’t judge me, I’m sick of schnitzel. I just wanted to dip my face in a bowl of rice.
3. Best pretzel I’ve ever had.
4. Best sausage I’ve ever had.

I also found a giant American flag in Titisee, which aroused in me strange feelings of patriotism. I bought it and hung it up.

I hate that flag-waving, I-love-America-more-than-you-do bullshit at home. Displaying a flag doesn’t mean anything in America. Most Americans don’t know anything outside of the United States, so a flag serves no purpose beyond trying to impress upon your neighbors just how “patriotic” you are. I find that shallow and worthless. I don’t think you can really love your country if you’ve never missed it.

Anyway, I was trying to upload all my photos of Titisee, my bedroom here in the StuSie, and Freiburg to Photobucket, and this was the result:

Therefore, I decided to make web albums on Picasa. The links are below. Please let me know if you have any difficulty viewing them, and beware of sneaky captions underneath some of the images.

The Coolest Thing I’ve Ever Purchased

So, I was browsing around on Amazon looking for a book. I’ve been watching a lot of Monty Python lately, and while doing that, I was particularly amused by one character called “The Constable,” so I decided to doodle a picture in my sketchbook. Also during this time, I decided I should learn all of the Pythons’ names for easy future reference. In this process I discovered that Graham Chapman, the fella who plays the Constable character (as well as The Colonel, King Arthur, and Brian) was actually a super interesting human being. Therefore, I decided to read his autobiography.

[Interesting things about this guy, for those interested: He of course wrote and acted in Monty Python stuff, but he started off as a medical student, and was a licensed doctor. He was a raging alcoholic until the mid-70’s, when he quit almost cold-turkey. He climbed mountains, and was one of the first celebrities to publicly announce that he was a homosexual, which he did in the 70’s. The following is a relevant interview with Merv Griffin from 1980:

Anyway, at this point I’m dicking around on Amazon looking for this book. I notice three things: 1) It is not currently in print, and a lot of the copies on Amazon are prohibitively expensive [one was over $100], 2) It is expensive to ship things from the US of A, and 3) I forget. From there I went to ebay and found a better deal. Then I found another copy that was a dollar cheaper. Then I found another one that was fifty cents cheaper.

Then, I followed a link to ebay.co.uk. As I was converting the price from pounds into dollars, my brain said “Just get the first one. It’s not worth all this effort.” Addition, as many of you know, is serious heavy-lifting for me when it comes to mathematics. Anyway, I ignored it and converted the price. It was still 50 cents cheaper. I bought it. The total came out to about 14 bucks.

When I found the package in my mailbox yesterday, I took it with me on my way to class. I tore that bitch open while waiting for the tram, and started to thumb through it. I was disappointed to learn that this was a first edition from 1980. I mean, first editions are cool, but I was hoping to get the re-print with the foreword from Eric Idle. Oh well. I started reading it; it was good.

Later, I was sitting in the classroom, reading, when my friend came in and started talking to me. I idly began to flip the pages around when I noticed an inscription on the title page. I thought “Cool, I like books with history” but I didn’t actually read it. Then she pointed out that the message was signed “Graham.”

Graham Chapman wrote a motherfucking inscription in this book.

It reads:

From a Northumberland hiker who once called in for tea. – Graham

Here’s a picture.

There’s also a sticker on the inside cover which reads:

presented to
King Edward VI School
Stratford-upon-Avon
by
Mrs. J. B. Priestley
in memory
of her husband
March 1986

So, I did some research. Graham was an avid climber. J. B. Priestley was an English playwright. I found a quote online where Priestley made a reference to mountaineering. I then found a chapter of the book which describes how Graham “rang him [Priestley] up for tea” and visited him along with John Cleese and a couple others.

It seems to me that he wrote that inscription for Priestley, who kept the book in his library for 6 years until his death in 1986, at which point his wife donated it to the King Edward VI School in Stratford-upon-Avon. At some point between 1986 and 2010, it wound up at some bookstore in London, where an inattentive employee failed to notice the inscription, and sold it to me, via ebay, for about 10 dollars.

My final piece of evidence is this. On the left side is his signature from the book’s inscription. On the right, his proper autograph.

Pretty cool.

An Item From Fantasyland

The e-mail I want to write right now, in the language I would like to write it.

Liebe Frau Zink,

Your class is fucking boring as fuck. I don’t care about the fucking painter from WWII, I don’t care about the fucking walls that used to exist around the city, I don’t care about the fucking Bächle (as far as I’m concerned, they’re only good for breaking ankles), and I most of all don’t care about that cunting church. The only reason I signed up for this class was to hear a good story, but so far all I’ve heard about is that preachy Jewish lich. Speaking of speaking, you talk way too fucking much, and it’s a painful chore listening to you jaw on and on and on.

Fuck off and die,
Me

And here’s a quote I like from a comedian:

Our exams were open to public scrutiny, they were rigorous and cruelly fair.  If you got laughs you passed – if not you failed. Compared to these, the university exams were about as reliable a guide to a student’s ability as the width of his mother’s kneecaps, and I treated them with the nonchalance they deserved.

Graham Chapman Sketch (More Progress)

Ok, not done, but further along today. I really like how it’s turning out.

Graham Chapman Sketch (Work in Progress)

An idea popped into my head last night for a sketch of Graham Chapman (of Monty Python fame) as the constable. The colonel character probably would have made more sense, as he shows up more often, but the constable wears a sillier hat. Never underestimate the sway of silly hats. I will probably finish it up tomorrow.

Basel Zoo (Day 71)

Ok, so I haven’t writen in a while. During the month April I was stricken- bedridden, really- with a very serious case of Lazy. I have since made a full recovery.
Two days ago, Catherine, Emily and I went to the Basel Zoo, which was friggen awesome, becuase I love zoos. Lions, elephants, giraffes, bears, kangaroos, buffaloes, sea lions, jellyfish- they had it all covered. It really was a proper zoo.
On the way back we were nearly suffocated in a tram full of drunk soccer fans. Just when you thought “Wow, I really can’t afford to lose any more oxygen” some bitch-ass ho shoved her baby carriage onto the tram, basically ramming it into people until they gave way. We are continually baffled by German tram behavior. Some examples:
  1. Germans will do anything in their power to fit onto that tram, regardless of how packed it is. The concept of “I’ll wait for the next one that’s coming in five minutes is totally foreign to them.”
  2. Related to 1: No matter how far away they are from the stop when they see the tram arriving, your average German will HAUL ASS and sprint to make it. Everyone does this, even old folks, and mothers pushing baby carriages, and they will sometimes sprint across a busy street with no walk signal (an offense for which you can lose your liscense). It is as if each tram is the last train out of Nazi Germany.
  3. Babies are utilized as battering rams. As in the example above, it doesn’t matter how crowded an area is, you can always expect some inconsiderate German woman to baby-smash her way through a group of people.
Anyway, walking back from the tram brought even more surprises. Turning the corner to go back to our buildings, we encountered a nice, young gentleman urinating on the side of the path. Problems with this:
  1. He did not appear to be a drunk soccer fan. He apparently just needed to have a wee, and decided to do that right there.
  2. It was broad daylight, in the middle of the afternoon.
  3. He must have heard us coming. We were probably talking, and our footsteps must have been audible.
  4. He was peeing exactly like Butters. Shirt up, shorts down, letting gravity take care of the rest.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Just thought I’d give a quick update and let people know I’m still alive. To ease your almost-certain disappointment with this entry, I present you with the latest Rammstein video, and my current ringtone.

EDIT: So it turns out the owner of that penis was not peeing, he just hangs out there all the time putting himself on display. Two other people have reported seeing him on multiple occasions. This place is so odd.