Germany, Day 2

So, I finally found Internet in Germany. It would appear that bars in this country perform every variety of social function- one can drink (alcohol, coffee, whatever), use the internet, listen to music that doesn’t suck (I have yet to hear a single song I didn’t like), and play Magic…in a Gathering. There are seriously a bunch of 16-40 year-olds drinking beer and playing Magic at the tables next to me. The bar I am currently in is all about relaxation and fun, and not simply about getting shitfaced…but you can do that too.

If I may put this crudely: Germany is basically the same shit as America. Yeah, there are a lot of little things that are different, but it’s still the western world, and common sense is king. I think people tend to blow this out of proportion. Here, I made a handy dandy bulleted list.

Little Things That Are Kind of Different in Germany But Still Not a Big Deal

  • Toilets are shaped a little bit differently in that they are generally more circular and deeper, with less water in the bowl. There is no handle, and I have yet to encounter a motion sensor. Rather, there are two buttons- usually one will flush the toilet, and the other will stop the water running. Or, sometimes on other toilets, it seems that one button flushes the toilet with great force, and the other more gently. This is for the purpose of conserving water. For instance, if you were take a dump that awes with its hugeness, you’re gonna need hurricane-force water to suck that shit baby down. And if not, why waste the water?
  • All doors are designed to make you look silly. Every door is different, but a general rule is, when you expect to pull it, you’re supposed to push it (and vice versa), locks don’t simply lock and unlock. They unlock, lock, and MEGALOCK, when the lock pushes even further into the door frame. Lastly, some door knobs don’t turn at all, but are just for show. On these, you have to hold the key in a certain position and push or pull on the door.
  • BABIES. They are making a lot of babies over here.
  • People range from the very polite, friendly (and funny) to the extremely impolite and salty as hell. A lot of the salty types are middle-aged folks who have wasted their lives working in retail. It’s not that they do anything terrible (look at the name of this handy dandy list), they’re just not super friendly and sugary sweet.
  • As another general rule, if you expect it to be expensive, then it will be dirty, dirty cheap, and the opposite is also true.
  • In Germany, they basically wear all the same kinds of clothes, except in different combination and different proportions. For example, jackets, boots, and skinny jeans are very much in right now for women, while hoodies are rare. I have yet to see Uggs or sweatpants though.
  • Doors seem to always be closed, while knocking on doors and barging into rooms seems more acceptable.
  • A lot of bathrooms don’t have the space at the bottom where you can peek for legs. You have to knock, and try each doors.
  • Classrooms don’t seem to have that pane of glass where you can see what’s up inside the class, and while not ever usually stated or pointed out, this is basically universal in the U.S.
  • Pidgeons are the new squirrels
  • There is a Magic the Gathering tournament going on behind me.
  • They speak German.

Before I end this, I’m just going to say that jet lag sucks. I’m not even going to describe the shitshow that was my first day here. It’s done and I’m rested, I’d like to forget about it. Anyway, the Finns are here, so I guess we’ll chat a bit.

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3 Responses to Germany, Day 2

  1. Grace says:

    hell yes! i’ll be reading this religiously. im glad its an interesting trip already. i imagine you in a little pub surrounded by german goodness. are they all as blonde as i imagine?

    • jesshale says:

      Actually, most of them have brown hair. How’s this for German goodness: we went to some meet-and-greet thingy yesterday and it was all-you-can-consume pretzels and alcohol. Total win.

  2. lizcasey says:

    I passed out at 6 pm today and slept until midnight. Jetlag sucks.
    Glad to know you’re alive ‘n whatnot. =)

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